Wednesday, February 24, 2010

An unfinished poem

The torchlight dances, and shadows sway

Through iron-bound doors that block our way

Down twisting halls, to depths unknown

With mindless horrors, to guard their bones

With treasures of gems, and golden rings

We seek the tomb of the forgotten kings


  1. "unknown/bones"

    No cheating. You need to keep the rhymes tight with this epic adventure stuff. A better approach might be:

    "Down echoing halls of gibbering stones;

    "There to wait, to guard their bones"

    Tightens up the narrative which almost got lost in the comma-broken lines.

    Something like that. Work it, my friend. Here's some Alexander Pope for inspiration and fun.

    Finish the poem someday. I already like where you're going with it.

  2. Sorry - Now that I'm reading my own remarks I can see how in-your-face they are. Everything was said with a smile and frank pleasure at discovering someone who's willing to write adventureful fantasy poetry. Robert E. Howard's early mood poems were the seeds for his Kull and Conan concepts, so never stop writin' rhymes - they can lead you to even more wonderful places.

  3. I think I like your lines better than my own. :)

  4. Well, thanks! Seeing you upload some good old-fashioned heroic lines has started some ideas percolating in the ol' brain just when I needed some inspiration, so I figure I was lucky clicking the links today. Keep writing, man!

  5. Nice work; I enjoy occasionally inserting such things into my adventures (yours are better than mine, though), the remains of a poem and possibly a clue to something to come.